Thursday, September 30, 2010

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Vancouver

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in Vancouver!



This is a guest post from our long time reader, MogulArmy.  Loves it.

Vancouver is known in Canada for being the "no fun city" but during
Halloween, we kick ass.

One of the most popular events here is* *Fright Nights at Playland*.* Every
year, they present different haunted houses to visit. Bring a thermos of hot
chocolate or coffee, I've spent more than an hour in different line ups but
its worth the wait. Bonus, the popular rides are also reopened for the
public.

http://www.pne.ca/fright-nights/

Vancouver is full of urban legends and a walking tour has been created to
visit rumored haunted places in downtown. I'm highly recommending this as
I've had friends who swear up and down that they've had paranormal
activities at a few of these places. Also, it takes place a night
o0o0o0o0o0o0ohhhhh

http://www.ghostsofvancouver.com/index.htm

Returning again is the popular Parade of Lost Souls on October 30. The
entire Commercial Drive Community (a community known for its funky diversity
& full of talented artists) shuts down the streets and all the businesses &
homes host a spooky procession, haunted homes, eerie stalls and other fun
filled events. May not be appropriate for children as I've seen children
become frightened. Not for the light hearted. Need more incentive? Its free.

http://www.thedrive.ca/eventsouls.shtm

Fido


Whorticulture.com movie review of Fido





Fido

Fido is the little zombie movie that could.  It’s really an imaginative, fresh take on your regular zombie movie.  It’s got a lot of heart – bloody, tasty heart.

Living in a post-zombiepocalypse world where the living dead are fitted with electric collars and turned into fashionable house pets, little Timmy Robinson finds a friend in Fido.  Unfortunately Fido has a few mishaps – after all, he’s only…uh…human?  Now Timmy has to convince his mother (Carrie-Anne Moss) and get help from his wacky neighbor Mr. Theopolis (Tim Blake Nelson) to keep his buddy.

There are so many things I love about this movie.  Although it has a few typical zombie flesh-hungry moments, overall it’s a sweet movie that leaves you feeling all warm and fuzzy.  For zombie lovers it’s a great retelling of the classing Boy-and-his-Dog tale.

I love the cold war vibe of the movie.  It’s set in the 1950’s in the upper/middle class neighborhood of Willard.  The hot new item that housewives are clamoring to have are the living dead.  They’ll help you carry the groceries; they’ll babysit your kid when you’re too busy.  

Big decisions arise – when you die, would you rather have a funeral or turn zombie?  For those that choose the funeral option (which seems to be the more arrogant choice) they offer special head coffins so you can rest assured your body won’t reanimate without your consent.

There are heavier aspects to this movie.  I mean really, the entire concept is slavery and blatant fear of outsiders.  However, this movie is comedic gold and handles everything in a delightful, airy way, making it a truly enjoyable experience.  It’s lighthearted and fun.

And don’t even get me started on Mr. Theopolis’s relationship with his zombie.  That’s fantastic!

I give this movie a 9/10.  True zombie fans should check this out.  Is that blood on your zombie?

Seen Fido?  Care to agree or disagree?  Please leave a comment & tell us what you think!

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Jolly Old England

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in England!



This is a guest post by our dear UK friend, Amber Sweet.  Enjoy!

Hi there UK residents! So we don't miss out on all the fun on our side of the pond, Uncle Eddie asked me to write a little something about any events happening near us. I am going to fill you in on a few events happening near my little corner of the world, so even if we can't be over to join in the awesome Halloween events that we read about, we may still be able to get in the 'spirit'!!



Firstly, Marwell Zoological Park, in Colden Common, Winchester is having a Halloween Festival, from 25-31st October. This is good if you have little monsters and need to entertain them. The event is free with normal entry fee, and you can bring a pumpkin (or buy one there) and take part in Pumpkin carving classes, go in the maze, and freak yourself out at the creepy crawly encounters. This is good if you have kids to entertain, kids just love animals! Personally I want to go just to watch animals try and eat a pumpkin, so if you see some crazy looking chick screaming at a tiger to 'nosh down on it, damn it', you found me! http://www.marwell.org.uk/halloween/default.asp

However, if that sounds boring as shit, don't fear, there are other things to do and be scared by in the South of little old England!

Of course the best part of living near London is the history of murders there, and whats the most famous unsolved serial murder case in the UK kiddies? Yes that's right, Jack the Ripper. Give yourself a pat on the back. Now what better day to do one of the Jack the Ripper tours than Halloween? They are lead by well educated people who can answer al your questions as they lead you around the sites of the murders, and at nighttime it can be quite scary! This is the one I went with:
http://www.jack-the-ripper-tours.com/
It was fantastic, but you need to book now to ensure your place, as obviously they get booked up quick for this weekend. Theres others that do it though too, so don't lose heart if they are full!

Now, if even that sounds too tame for you, what about a night in the London Dungeon? Oh, not so tough now then are you? Well listen up, cos this is a one time only thing. Its the Friday 22nd October from 9pm to 3am, so if you like your snoozing time, forget it! This is the shit, seriously. You start with a talk about ghosts, then a walk around the dungeons, then you can take part in the psychic experiments and help monitor the ghost equipment throughout the night. We all know how haunted the Dungeon really is, so this is a once in a lifetime chance to shit yourself in the great tower. Book soon though, because these tickets are gonna go faster than a birthday cake at a fat kids party.
http://www.londonparanormal.com/GFdungeons22oct2010.html

Now you have returned after changing your panties at the prospect of meeting real ghosts, and decided you want something a bit lighter, how about a all nighter dancing in your best Halloween costume? The Lynx Halloween All Nighter takes place at Alexandra Palace on Saturday 30th October. It looks like its in high demand, so book fast to get in with up to 10,000 other people to dance and enjoy fairground rides and laser shows.
http://www.viewlondon.co.uk/whatson/lynx-halloween-all-nighter-tickets-article-10013.html

Of course, if none of those please you, you can go to your nearest cinema and watch the Last Exorcism, or Devil (reviews found on this blog). Hell, you can go see Eat Pray Love if you want, I don't care. Because our cinemas suck, there are no Halloween special showings I can find, and I am pissed about it, really killed me. So anyway, I hope theres something that tickles your winkle to do in this review. And remember, if you choose Marwell and see a tired looking chick chasing a hyperactive toddler, looking like shes going to take a shotgun to the first innocent looking animal she can find, do come and say hi!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Lake George, NY

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in Lake George, NY!



My buddy Sean LOVES horror.  You can check out his two youtube channels here and here.  He lives in New York and he recommended this place:


House of Frankenstein Wax Museum: Check out their website!

He highly recommends this place and says it never gets old.

Here's a little bit of info:
They're open April through October, with extended hours in September & October.
The wax sculptures move & scream.

"Be warned the House of Frankenstein is not just another Wax Museum. No indeed. When you walk the steps of the haunted stairs you are on your own. Don’t turn back, there is no turning back, you must finish this journey of terror."

Tickets are also pretty cheap, so it sounds like a pretty good deal.

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Toronto

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in Toronto!



Hey Canada!  Don't feel left out!  We'll be featuring the best October and Halloween events from the great white North, too!

In the Toronto area, check out the Halloween Haunt at Canada's Wonderland!



The thrill park you know and love will still be in operation, but turned into a haunt-filled terror park!  New mazes, shows, and the rides you know and love!  I hear fantastic things about it.  It's not recommended for kids and that's always a plus.  Check out the commercial!



It's scare time Friday through Sunday, 7 PM - Midnight, every weekend in October!

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Asbury Park, NJ

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in Asbury Park, New Jersey!



Our good friend @SailorVesta alerted us to the Zombie Walk taking place on October 30th in Asbury Park, NJ.

"Everyone in the town really gets into it. The stores and restaurants on the boardwalk get into it, there were people on top of the buildings last year with signs that said "ALIVE INSIDE" it's a lot of fun. They're also trying to break the Guinness World Record to get the most zombies."


There are a million undead reasons why you should check this event out.  This year they're going for the Guinness World Record for the largest Zombie Walk in history, and you can be a part of it!

They're organizing a HUGE dance-off to Michael Jackson's Thriller and even holding dance classes!  Not only that, check out the October 3rd event:

ZOMBIE V. HUMANS PAINTBALL!!!

 This Zombie Walk is serious business!

You gotta check out their website: NJZombieWalk.com for all the info!  Definitely check this one out if you're in the area!

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Grand Rapids, MI

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in Grand Rapids, Michigan!



This piece comes from Kate Schumaker, who has personally dedicated her time to making the next event as awesome as it is.

In the Grand Rapids area?  Check out The Forest of Fear in Caledonia, MI!

The Forest of Fear is celebrating their 10th Anniversary this year, and things are looking GREAT!  It's an interactive, self guided walk through of five chilling acres of haunted woods and swamps inhabited by ghosts, monsters, and other terrifying creatures!  As you walk along the dimly lit and winding trails of the Forest of Fear you will face one spine-tingling jolt after another in an experience unlike any other haunted house!  This unique outdoor experience will scare the pants off of any other haunted event that you've seen before!


They're open Thursday through Sunday the entire month of October.
Thursday & Sunday - dusk until 10
Friday & Saturday - dusk until 11

Are you afraid of the dark?

CHECK IT OUT!  It's the largest and longest running outdoor haunted attraction in West Michigan for a reason!

Best Of: Best Way To Spend October in Phoenix

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Way to Spend October and Halloween in Phoenix!



Hey kiddies!  Welcome to our Spooky City Series!  We're going to highlight all the best frights your town has to offer.

The first in our series comes from my city, Phoenix, Arizona.

When: Friday October 1st & Saturday October 2nd 8:00 PM & 10:00 PM
Location: MADCAP Theaters - 730 S Mill Ave
Tempe, AZ 85281-4250

Come see A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 and 4!  It's an $8 double feature!


From MADCAP's website:

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
Born the bastard son of a hundred maniacs, demented killer Freddy Krueger is back for fresh victims!
The last of the Elm Street kids are now at a psychiatric ward where Freddy haunts their dreams with unspeakable horrors. Their only hope is dream researcher and fellow survivor Nancy Thompson, who helps them battle the supernatural psycho on his own hellish turf. 35mm, 96min, 1987.


A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
Proving there’s no rest for the wicked, the unspeakably evil Freddy Krueger is again resurrected from the grave to wreak havoc upon those who dare to dream. But this time, he faces a powerful new adversary!
As her friends succumb one by one to Freddy’s wrath, telepathically gifted Kristen embarks on a desperate mission to destroy the satanic dream stalker and release the tortured souls of his victims once and for all. 35mm, 93min, 1988.

Thanks to Zack Attack's Camp Cinema!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Grace




Grace

Someone recommended I watch Grace via Twitter.  I watched it on a movie channel, right after some terrible movie with Daryl Hannah called The Devil’s Ground.  

Grace is a movie about a woman going through a rather troubled pregnancy.  She gives birth to a stillborn baby after a car accident that kills her husband, and seemingly talks it into coming back to life to breastfeed.  She pretty quickly realizes that something is very wrong with this baby.  It smells horrible and attracts flies.  It won’t eat.  She continues to attempt breastfeeding only to discover the baby has a taste for human blood.

It’s a decent premise.  It’s sort of the same conundrum as the “It’s Alive” movies.  Do you love your baby enough to essentially let it kill to survive?  However, Grace is definitely mis-marketed as a horror movie.  There’s nothing really scary about it.  The baby doesn’t kill, the mother does to feed the baby.  And not that often, either.

Also, it tries to be too many things.  There’s this weird plot with the wet nurse who is kept from the mother & baby, but why?  Then there’s this EXTRA weird part where the mother-in-law wants to take the baby and trains herself to breastfeed again, even though she’s old.  And yeah, nobody needs to see the two old people have sex.  It’s um…unappetizing.  

The suspense is okay, I suppose, if you can get into the movie enough to care.  That’s the real chore of it.  The baby looks too fake and it ruins it.  The only really good part is the very end, when you find out the baby is teething and the mother’s breast has been totally mangled.  It was pretty gross.

Anyway, it’s not the worst movie I’ve ever seen.  I don’t think I’d re-watch it, but if there’s nothing else on you might as well check it out.  You’ll probably end up turning it off.  The Devil’s Ground was better.

I give this movie a 4.5 out of 10.  My boyfriend hated it and would probably generously give it a 1.

Update on Whorticulture

Hey guys, it's almost October.  October will be the busiest month for us here at Whorticulture as we bring you all the Halloween shenanigans Phoenix has to offer.  But we don't want your town to be left out.  Do you know of a kick ass Halloween event in your neck of the woods?  Is there a party, a movie marathon, or a Haunted House you want to advertise? 

Let us know all about it! 

This site gets tons of hits a day from within the US, not to mention worldwide.  Let us help advertise your Halloween events - whether they're YOURS or just stuff you like to do. 

Email UncleEddie@whorticulture.com for more details if you'd like to be one of our October reporters.  There are benefits to signing up now!

Best Of: Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie

Whorticulture.com Presents: Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie!


I got a ton of hits on my last Best Of: Best Boobs in a Horror Movie (also, check out More Horror Movie Boobs).  The people have spoken, and I guess you guys like tits.  High five.  I like tits, too.  So let's keep the momentum going with our new Best Of: Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie.

Now I don't require my horror movie boobs to do anything.  Just being there is fine by me.  I mean, check this out:

Ah, Elvira.  Cassandra Peterson is Heaven the way I want it to be.

Hang on, I need a moment...

Okay, what was I saying?  Oh right, useful boobs.  I mean, if they're going to DO something, then I'm all for it.  And if it's something that can't be unseen, then it's pure cinematic gold.


Apparently the original Night of the Demons is the best movie for boobs, because my choice comes from there AGAIN.  Here we have Suzanne, played by Linnea Quigley.  Suzanne is a little bit slutty but that's why we like her.  She's unfortunately been possessed by a demon, and she's been left all alone in a bathroom.  What else is a girl to do?  She's gotta make herself pretty.


Sure, they're not GREAT boobs.  I'm not digging the chest ribs.  She's in the same movie as this girl so she has to do something to stand out, right?  Right.


So how does she use her boobs?  Well, you see that left one?  She pushes the lipstick right into the nipple.  What, you didn't expect her to carry it around all night, did you?  This apparently makes Suzanne a little unhappy.


Don't worry, Suzanne.  Your lipstick trick has lived in infamy since I first saw this movie, and everyone I've ever shown makes countless references since.  Congratulations, girl!  You're the stuff 80's horror is made of!


**Sidenote: I think this scene happens in the remake from the pictures I've seen.  I can't wait!**

Monday, September 27, 2010

Best Of: Best Boobs in a Horror Movie

Whorticulture.com Presents: Best Boobs in a Horror Movie!


There's two things I love in my horror movies: tits and blood.  That's why I love the slasher movies from the '80's, even though they might be considered mundane or a dime a dozen. 

Screw that!

From Sorority House Massacre to Sleepaway Camp II, the best part is watching the topless girls get cut!

Why do you think Elvira - my boobspiration - was so popular?

So the first Best Of for Whorticulture has to be Best Boobs!

This honor goes to Jill Terashita from Night of the Demons (1988).  She faced some serious compeTITion (excuse my horrible pun there, people), but these boobs stand the test of time.  I saw these for the first time when I was around 11, and I've never seen horror movie boobs that compare!


The big 80's hair, the sex in the coffin; "Frannie" knows how to please!

Congratulations Ms. Terashita.  Your boobs will live on forever in my heart.  I'll be first in line to see the remake later in October; they have quite a bit to live up to!

Okay, so who do you think has the best boobs in a horror movie?

And check out our other post on fabulous racks:
Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie
More Horror Movie Boobs

Friday, September 24, 2010

New Features

This site is still in the works, but will have a bunch of new features.  One of them will be a Best Of series, and I'm looking for input.  Let me know what categories you want to see in the Best Of!

As always, we welcome discussion and input from you guys!  Let's hear it, bitches.

- Whorticulture.com

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Buried


Whorticulture.com movie review for Buried, starring Ryan Reynolds.  Directed by Rodrigo Cortés




Buried 

Buried stars Ryan Reynolds, and was directed by Rodrigo Cortés.  It's definitely an achievement for Cortés who has only directed shorts prior to this full length feature film. It opens nationwide on October 8th, 2010.  This was, by far, the best performance of Reynolds’s I’ve ever seen.  Ryan carries the film basically solo.  The only others in the movie are mere voices over the phone, and one woman we watch via cell phone video.

Reynolds plays Paul Conroy, a truck driver in Iraq.  His convoy is attacked by a group of insurgents, and Paul wakes up in a wooden coffin, buried under many feet of sand.  Bound and gagged, he is left a cell phone, a lighter, 2 glow sticks, a junk flashlight, a flask of alcohol, and his anxiety pills.  He has no idea where he is.  His cell phone is in Arabic.  His only chance of survival is the cell phone, as he races against suffocation and the shower of sand slipping into the coffin.

I’ve seen Reynolds in countless roles, from the sarcastic smart ass in Van Wilder and Waiting, to the comic book anti-hero Deadpool.  Women swoon over his abs and his boyish good looks (my friend MogulArmy is very sad that he remains fully clothed in Buried).  This was like nothing I’ve ever seen him in.  This was pure brilliance.  I cannot stress this enough.  I can only hope he receives the accolades he deserves for this.  He carries this entire movie on his shoulders and never once falters.  

Aside from the impressive performance, this movie was outstanding.  I cried like a baby.  It was a white-knuckle thrill ride; constant ups and downs, twists and turns, and I left feeling truly spent.  Absolute heart-wrenching suspense.  It even managed to sprinkle classic Ryan Reynolds sarcasm on top.  It was arresting; completely riveting.  

I have to give this movie a 10/10.  You should do yourself a favor and see this movie.

And this is where my review ends.  However, there’s something I’d like to address, but it’s totally a spoiler.  If you don’t want this movie spoiled for you, stop reading RIGHT NOW.  Personally, I’d suggest you stop reading.  Don’t ruin it for yourself.

*******

To the douchebags with whom I saw this film,
I’m not surprised you groaned at the ending.  Here’s a tip: when the screen goes black, that’s not a cue for you to start talking or laughing.  I haven’t heard so much shushing in my life!  I suppose that’s the problem with free passes – anybody will come.  In any case, you failed to get into the movie from the first minute, so don’t groan and bitch that he isn’t saved in the end.  Not all movies have to have happy endings.  I don’t know what you were expecting, but it was fairly obvious that this wasn’t going to be all sunshine and flowers.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I Spit On Your Grave 2010 Remake



I Spit On Your Grave – Remake

Finally I get to talk about a remake that doesn’t suck!  I am so excited about this movie.

The plot is the same as the original.  A writer, Jennifer Hills, goes into the woods to write a novel.  Along the way she haphazardly meets her assailants and is later cornered and gang raped by them.  She then seeks a bloody and justifiable revenge on each of them.

The original is based on a true story, in case you don’t know.  The director, Meir Zarchi, his children and a family friend came upon a naked and battered woman, clinging to life in a bush.  She’d been brutally raped and beaten.  Zarchi rushed her to the police station where the police proceeded to interrogate her instead of calling an ambulance.  He explains in excruciating detail how they kept asking her to spell her name through a broken jaw, and insisted she answered questions before they would help.  Disgusted and frustrated he made Day of the Woman (later re-titled I Spit On Your Grave) as a way of helping her regain the agency she lost that day.  

I felt that the remake kept that story in mind, and that’s really all I could have asked for.  This version might be more suitable for your everyday audience because it has MUCH less focus on the rape (which is still blaringly detailed, mind you, but not as much as in the original) and much more focus on the revenge.  I would say the original is half rape and half revenge, whereas this movie is 40% - 60% or so.  

One of the scenes that bothers audiences the most from the original is the fact that you see Jennifer Hills sprawled out on top of her phone.  This is infuriating to people.  Why isn’t she calling for help!?  Zarchi explains in the DVD commentary that he purposefully kept the phone in shots to reinforce that she had no legal recourse.  However, the audience isn’t made aware of this, and it plays out like a continuity error.  The remake settles this by having Jennifer drop her cell phone in the toilet.  But I’ll get to that more, later.
I also have to say that having a sheriff involved in the rape (no, that’s not a spoiler) reinforces her lack of legal recourse.  Much appreciated, having prior knowledge to the true side of this story.

In the beginning scene where Jennifer is pumping gas, her total is $19.78.  Clever clever, Steven Monroe.

I was not immediately sold on the character of Jennifer Hills.  Viewing the original, I neither liked nor disliked her.  In this remake I fiercely disliked her in the beginning.  She was constantly in skimpy clothing.  She knocked into things and broke things (like her cell phone), and I thought they were making her too much the damsel in distress.  Then she kisses her would-be assailant and it was almost too much for me.  I couldn’t understand – was Monroe trying to portray her as asking for it?  That just wouldn’t do.  That was going to insult every woman on the planet, rape victim or not.  And although I grew to like her…or at least tolerate her…I’m still not convinced they weren’t implying she deserved it on some level.

It was much more exaggerated than in the original.  The group of men in the original never saw her in her underwear.  They wanted to rape her because they saw her in a bikini and because she was a “big city whore.”  They touted that “all women want it.”  While the same goes for the remake, it can’t be overlooked that they get much more of Jennifer Hills, which only serves to discredit her in some way.  Not only that, but one of the men – Johnny Miller – tries to flirt with her in the beginning, and frankly she’s a little bit of a bitch in return.  She obviously gets off on embarrassing him.  Standing alone this is insignificant, if not inconsequential.  But in comparison to the original, where she’s much more innocent, I have to wonder what the point they’re trying to make is exactly.

The rape scenes are greatly reduced.  In the original, you watch as each of the men takes their turn on her, whereas in the remake she loses consciousness.  Honestly it’s no great loss.  I thought it would be, but they did a fantastic job invoking the same reactions with what they did show.  And the revenge scenes were amazing!  The audience felt revitalized; we cheered together, we gasped and cringed together, and sometimes we even laughed together.  The special effects could have been better, but I takes what I can gets.

It even captured the moment at the end when you realize the absurd futility in what Jennifer Hills has just done.  It didn’t change anything, but goddamn, don’t you feel a little better?

I know this movie is only being released to one theater in my area – Deer Valley AMC, which is more than an hour away.  I can only imagine how many screens it will play.  I doubt it will make much of a dent in the box office.  If you have the chance though, and you’ve wanted to see the original but you’re afraid you won’t be able to handle it, this one is a great bet.   

Great gore with a minty fresh taste.
 
7.5/10