Atrocious Trailer

Coming Soon: Atrocious

Here's the trailer for Atrocious, in theaters 8/17.



Thoughts?  Seems kind of Paranormal Activity meets Blair Witch to me.  This leaves me less than thrilled.

Are we over this whole found footage fad yet? 

REC 2 - Must See!

Whorticulture.com Strongly Recommends REC 2

I just realized I never got around to reviewing REC, the original Quarantine.  If you haven't seen it, you should.

In any case, last night I finally got my hands on a copy of REC 2.  This shit seriously took about a year to get to my house.  Horror fans, it was definitely worth the wait.

Quick Plot:  It jumps right in where the first one lets off, as police are searching the quarantined building for survivors.  They've brought along a doctor, who actually turns out (tiny spoiler) to be a priest, and shit goes haywire from there.

In the original, they're dealing with a virus similar to rabies which is infecting the tenants of this building and turning them into zombies (I use the term "zombies" loosely.  They're more like 28 Days Later rage creatures).  The sequel delves a bit deeper into the virus, which isn't really a virus at all - well, I guess it is in the way it transmits by blood and saliva - but more the physiological effects of demonic possession.  This is an EPIC. TURN. and shoots the scare value way past 11.

There aren't any cheap scares in REC 2.  No loud noises or sudden jumps - unless you're really really jumpy, I guess.  Most scares are suspense based.  Same format as before: no soundtrack (A+) and entirely POV based.  This one adds a "jump-in" feature, where other characters can override the original camera with their POV cams, which feels like a video game at times, but I wouldn't say in a bad way.  Low to moderate on unnecessary gore.

REC 2 is totally HNL ('hole 'nother level) and shockingly good for a sequel.  Make the effort to get your hands on it, because while Quarantine and REC are extremely similar, Quarantine 2 is about some airplane bullshit and doesn't look nearly as good.  DO NOT WAIT FOR THE AMERICAN VERSION OF THIS MOVIE.  Suck it up and read some subtitles.  You will thank me SO HARD.  Total A+, 10/10.

Paranormal Activity 3 Trailer

I know, I'm late on this and I don't update anymore.  I have a full-sized gremlin growing inside me, cut me some slack.

And while you're at it, check out the PA3 trailer:



Let's hear what you think.  Is Bloody Mary lame, or a good way to open the door for the demon?  Does this trailer make you want to see it?  A prequel for a prequel, what do you think?

Human Centipede II BANNED IN THE UK!

Tom Six has been pretty mum on details regarding the sequel to The Human Centipede, but has promised it will make the original look like My Little Pony.  Pardon my excitement.

Today, the sequel was rejected by the BBFC.  Here's why:

"The first film dealt with a mad doctor who sews together three kidnapped people in order to produce the ‘human centipede’of the title. Although the concept of the film was undoubtedly tasteless and disgusting it was a relatively traditional and conventional horror film and the Board concluded that it was not in breach of our Guidelines at ‘18’. This new work, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), tells the story of a man who becomes sexually obsessed with a DVD recording of the first film and who imagines putting the ‘centipede’ idea into practice. Unlike the first film, the sequel presents graphic images of sexual violence, forced defecation, and mutilation, and the viewer is invited to witness events from the perspective of the protagonist. Whereas in the first film the ‘centipede’ idea is presented as a revolting medical experiment, with the focus on whether the victims will be able to escape, this sequel presents the ‘centipede’ idea as the object of the protagonist’s depraved sexual fantasy.

The principal focus of The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) is the sexual arousal of the central character at both the idea and the spectacle of the total degradation, humiliation, mutilation, torture, and murder of his naked victims. Examples of this include a scene early in the film in which he masturbates whilst he watches a DVD of the original Human Centipede film, with sandpaper wrapped around his penis, and a sequence later in the film in which he becomes aroused at the sight of the members of the ‘centipede’ being forced to defecate into one another’s mouths, culminating in sight of the man wrapping barbed wire around his penis and raping the woman at the rear of the ‘centipede’. There is little attempt to portray any of the victims in the film as anything other than objects to be brutalised, degraded and mutilated for the amusement and arousal of the central character, as well as for the pleasure of the audience. There is a strong focus throughout on the link between sexual arousal and sexual violence and a clear association between pain, perversity and sexual pleasure. It is the Board’s conclusion that the explicit presentation of the central character’s obsessive sexually violent fantasies is in breach of its Classification Guidelines and poses a real, as opposed to a fanciful, risk that harm is likely to be caused to potential viewers.

David Cooke, Director of the BBFC said: “It is the Board's carefully considered view that to issue a certificate to this work, even if confined to adults, would be inconsistent with the Board's Guidelines, would risk potential harm within the terms of the VRA, and would be unacceptable to the public.

“The Board also seeks to avoid classifying material that may be in breach of the Obscene Publications Acts 1959 and 1964 (OPA) or any other relevant legislation. The OPA prohibits the publication of works that have a tendency to deprave or corrupt a significant proportion of those likely to see them. In order to avoid classifying potentially obscene material, the Board engages in regular discussions with the relevant enforcement agencies, including the CPS, the police, and the Ministry of Justice. It is the Board’s view that there is a genuine risk that this video work, The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence), may be considered obscene within the terms of the OPA, for the reasons given above."

Sweet Zombie Jesus!  I don't even have words.

What do you think?  Will you still see The Human Centipede II?  Or are you totally turned off?

Friday the 13th

Happy Jason Day everybody!

Unless you live in Crystal Lake, Illinois, you're probably just staying home and watching the machete-wielding masked monster on TV.  Yeah, I am too. 

And if you live in Crystal Lake, Illinois...you're probably not doing anything, because there's not even a camp there.  HOW THE HELL IS THERE NOT A CAMP THERE!?  Should we pool our money and build one?  Obviously. 

In any case, what's your favorite Friday the 13th?  I love 1 & 2, but for some reason I also love 8 (Jason Takes Manhattan).

Thankskilling: The Beaquel Needs YOU!

Last year I reviewed a truly inspirational piece of cinema called Thankskilling.  My review must have been amazing because many of you - my precious readers - watched it too.  Lots of you loved it.  Some of you hated it.  Either way you have to admit, it crawled like a parasitic worm into your brain AND your heart, where it still resides to this day.

Here's your chance to make the sequel happen.

Check out Jordan Downey's Kickstarter page where they're asking for donations.  BAM.  (Seriously, go to watch the video, it's delicious and all kinds of sexy)

You might be wondering why you should throw your hard earned money at this project.  Aside from the fact that the original Thankskilling brought joy to children of all ages, they are offering the best perks for donations I have ever freaking seen.  Ever.  I'm just speechless over them.  Some of them offer your very own gravy flavored condom.  WHAT.

I mean you can throw them any amount of money, but my favorite is probably the $200 donation:

Pledge $200 or more

And consider yourself a FOWL-MOUTHED PRODUCER like the best of 'em! Your name will scroll like no other in the end credits under the heading "Fowl-Mouthed Producers" and we'll even list you on IMDB, should you wish that upon your career. And since you've got a knack for profanity, we'll let you choose your FAVORITE SWEAR WORD to appear beside your name in the credits! Have fun with it -- "Nick Rubin: Butt Sniffer!" You'll also get stuffed with the DVD, T-Shirt, Poster, and all the swag listed above!

ASTOUNDING.

Be a part of movie history.  I'm pretty sure this is what I'm going to be asking for when my birthday rolls around.  TAKE NOTE, ASSHOLES.  If you're a fan (and how can you not be a fan of these guys!?) throw them a little bit of cash.  Do it for me.  DO IT FOR HORROR MOVIES.  Do it for your mom - I heard she's a huge Thankskilling fan.  Do it for Whorticulture.com.

Fantastic News for Phoenix, Arizona

Whorticulture.com has THE BEST NEWS EVER for the Phoenix Area!

If you live in the Phoenix area, and you don't know who the Midnite Movie Mamacita is, YOU ARE MISSING OUT, SON!  Let me fill you in.  Triple M is a hot little number all the way from New Zealand who makes it her mission to bring you the absolute BEST (and the best of the worst) in Horror, Grindhouse, and B-movies every weekend!  If it weren't for the Midnite Movie Mamacita and friends, your life would SUCK.  And that's a fact!

So now that you understand how much you love this little lady, I have great news.  After 5 years of bringing face-kicking awesome to the Valley, she's bustin' out and opening her own venue in Historic Downtown Mesa!

"A cool place to watch movies, that's what it boils down to.  You love the films, we love showing them.  We want to bring you the best in new and classic genre films in a convenient and comfortable spot, while also tantalizing your taste-buds with our unique commissary."

So what can you do?   There are a lot of ways you can help.  The easiest way is to go see her kick ass movies - this weekend they're showing Rubber at MADCAP Theaters!

Yeah, it's a killer tire.  I hear it's BRILLIANT.

Other ways you can help?  Check out the site and help a sista out!  BAM!

Do it, fans!  This is your chance to make your life 50% more awesome (I'm lowballing it here folks), and help out a kick ass lady in the process!