The Hazing Review

Whorticulture Reviews The Hazing

Tonight I watched The Hazing, starring Brad Dourif (the voice of Chucky from Child's Play) and my homegirl BFF (read: I met her once and she signed a DVD of the Night of the Demons remake) Tiffany Shepis.  Tiffany Shepis is pretty much the best modern day scream queen, so big shout out to her.  When your dear old Uncle Eddie was just a little girl, she dreamed of growing up and doing terrible, bloody, tits-out horror movies like this. 

Anyway, this movie is about a group of sorority & fraternity pledges stuck overnight in a house with the evil spirit of their professor who possesses them and murders them one by one. 

Okay let's be honest.  It's pretty fucking bad.  The acting is pretty lousy for the most part.  Brad Dourif isn't great in it.  Tiffany Shepis is probably the best.  It's fairly reminiscent of The Telling which was a huge steaming pile.  And it's all kinds a bastardization of the original Night of the Demons.  There are so many similarities I can't even.

HOWEVER!

It's actually a pretty fun romp.  It's bloody, it's got a delightful amount of boobs.  The story line sucks pretty hard but it's entertaining.  So congratulations, it's so bad it's good!

There are some stand-out moments - like watching a possessed tongue perform oral sex on Nectar Rose.  Come on, that's pretty quality.  That's some Re-Animator shit right there.

You might look this up on IMDB and see that Brooke Burke is credited second but don't get your hopes up.  Bitch dies in the first three minutes.  OF COURSE SHE DOES.

Go ahead and watch this if you're bored.  It's pretty fucking dumb, and you might hate me for it, but I liked it. 

6/10

Night of the Demons 2

Whorticulture.com Reviews Night of the Demons 2

You know what sucks?  When you've loved a movie for years, then you go back and watch it and realize it sucks.  Case in point, Night of the Demons 2.

Quick plot outline: A new group of rowdy teenagers, this time from Catholic boarding school, go to Hull House for a Halloween party where they meet Angela, our head mistress of horror.

Points of interest: This time one of the teenagers is quiet little Melissa, whom the other students teasingly call "Mouse" and happens to be Angela's little sister.  So we get to hear the story of what happened after that night from the original, and how Angela's parents committed suicide after Angela became Satan's favorite or something.  And yes, that is Christine Taylor up there in the middle.

Anyway, here's why it's terrible:

#1: It veers pretty far from the first one.  Granted, we have the same actress playing Angela, and they return to basically the same house, but there's one major difference.  The demons can be exorcised.  SAY WHAT.  So sweet little Christine Taylor up there gets killed and subsequently possessed by a demon - you know, as they all do - but she's quickly treated with holy water and returns to normal.  SIGH.  Thankfully she's the only one they're able to save.  The other ones just melt.  And that makes no sense.  Oh, and another thing.  Everyone except one guy escapes the house and returns back to school!  One of the girls steals a lipstick (you know, the lipstick) from Hull House, which allows Angela to cross the underground stream (WHAT!?) and start killing people back at the Catholic boarding school.

#2: Christine Taylor doesn't get her boobs out.  SAY WHAT, ENCORE.  Each of the other girls get theirs out.  We have Cristi Harris:

Awesome.

And we have Zoe Trilling (who is super hot in a 90's sort of way):

Deadly boobs.  Extra awesome.

But what do we get of Christine Taylor?  This:

That's right, she's in a bra for most of the movie.  I guess she was in "serious" actor mode back then...but don't you think people want to see the girl from Hey Dude! get 'em out?  It worked for Jessie Spano!  (Side note: it's a little odd when one of the male characters calls her Marcia since this movie came out the year before she played Marcia Brady - oh and her name is Terri.)

Moving on.

#3: The religious overtones are ridiculous.  The power of Christ apparently compelled this movie to suck.  I mean, for God's sake, we have a yard stick wielding, rosary swinging nun who acts like a ninja (and at one point loses her head, but another one pops out from under her habit like a turtle, so does that make her a ninja turtle?  GODDAMMIT LOOK AT THE BAD JOKES THIS MOVIE MAKES ME MAKE) and succeeds in the end with a super soaker filled with holy water.

If anything, this movie tries way too hard to bring you the battle between good and evil.  Nobody wants to see that.  It's a cheesy '90's horror movie.  We don't want Catholic guilt, we want tits and blood!

There are redeeming qualities, don't get me wrong.  The cheese is outstanding - but you wouldn't expect less from a Night of the Demons movie.

These effects sure are "special."

And for some reason, this part freaked me out as a kid:

Yes, that's a demon in a toilet.

The gore is kind of lacking.  There's a pretty great scene where Mouse gets her jaw ripped off by Angela, but I think that's about it.  Unless you count all of the demons melting into pools of guts (it's not as cool as it sounds) or demon-snake Angela exploding (that scene has to be seen to be believed, it's really that fucking terrible).

So all in all I'd give it a 5.  Maybe a 6 if I'm feeling generous.  It's sort of a means to an end - it just serves to get you to Night of the Demons 3.  Except now I'm afraid to watch that one.  Maybe my love affair with the Night of the Demons series will soon come to an end.

I hope not.

Trivia: Zoe Trilling (Shirley) and Amelia Kinkade (Angela) danced together in the movie Girls Just Want To Have Fun.

Night of the Demons (2009)

Whorticulture.com reviews Night of the Demons (2009), starring Shannon Elizabeth and the guy who ate Edward Furlong

The closing night event at the International Horror and Sci Fi Film Festival was the remake of possibly my favorite horror movie ever, Night of the Demons.

I didn't really know what to expect from it, I just wanted lots of boobs and gore.  I wasn't thrilled with Shannon Elizabeth playing Angela...but I was willing to overlook it.  Plus, Tiffany Shepis was going to be there.  Granted, she only has about 4 minutes of screen time (she plays Diana, the door bitch who steals all the money and books it out ALIVE when the cops come).  She's in a bunch of my favorite Troma movies, so I was pretty jazzed.

The movie is EXCELLENT.  It's not very close to the original.  First off, this new mansion they're in wasn't ever a funeral home.  The background story isn't nearly as cool as the one in the original - this one is about some woman pining for a man to love her and basically calls upon the help of some demons who (gasp) trick her.  These demons were kicked out of Hell and now seek to take over the world by possessing 7 people on Halloween night.  Okay, so it's not Shakespeare, but it doesn't really matter.  We just want tits and blood!

Dear God, did we get a lot of tits and blood.  Not even Shannon Elizabeth's tits, which I was personally grateful for.  We get both Diora Baird and Bobbi Sue Luther's tits, which are excellent.  We get demon anal rape (Tiffany Shepis seemed extra excited about that one - and it was pretty awesome).  We get a chick's tits and face being ripped off.  We even get a cameo from Linnea Quigley (this basically made the movie for me right there) basically bringing her character Suzanne back from the dead just to warm my heart.

Oh, AND we get a tribute to Linnea Quigley's cinematic masterpiece - the lipstick scene.  Check out my previous post on that here. 

The remake captured the pure cheese essence of the original, but brought it up to date for more modern audiences.  I could have gone without seeing Edward Furlong - or really, the guy who ATE Edward Furlong in all of his bloated New Jersey Housewife glory.  That poor bastard.

Anyway, it comes out on DVD and Blu ray tomorrow (October 19th), so PLEASE check this one out!  Thankfully I already picked mine up - complete with an autograph from Tiffany Shepis.  It's a really fun time.  And if you haven't, GODDAMMIT go pick up the original!  You are missing cinema brilliance with that one!

I give the remake an 8/10.  It's pure cheese, and it's got the 3 B's (boobs, blood, and beasts)!

Best Of: Best Halloween Movies

Whorticulture Presents: The Top 3 Movies to Watch on Halloween Night!

Looking for a scary movie to watch on Halloween night?  What's better than scary movies that actually take place on Halloween?  Here's our top 3.  We'd love to have your input!

3:  Halloween

It's a classic for a reason.  It touts killer suspense and outstanding death scenes.  This movie is serious business.  Our killer, Michael Myers, is super strong, silent, and deadly.  He's returning on Halloween night to kill his sister, the only one left of his childhood massacre years ago.  He'll kill anybody who gets in his way.  You can run.  You can hide.  He's going to get you so it doesn't really matter.  Our favorite death goes to P.J. Soles, as she gets strangled by the phone chord.  This movie made John Carpenter a force to be reckoned with.  He went on to direct The Fog and The Thing, making horror what it is today.

I bet that's not who you think it is, Lynda.  Just sayin'.

You know this movie is good because they made a thousand sequels.  And really, none of them are terrible, except for 3.  Killer Halloween masks?  What the fuck is that?  Painful, that's what that shit is.

2: Night of the Demons

People always ask us why we love this movie so much.  This movie embodies everything we love about 1980's horror.  The dialogue is hilariously terrible, the gore superb.  Tits and blood galore.  A bunch of moderately attractive and not very intelligent teenagers decide to have a Halloween party at Hull House, an old funeral parlor which sits on evil ground.  So anyone who dies becomes a grisly, murderous demon.  Yeah, yeah, we know.

Lookin' good there, Stooge!

Respect the cheese.

1: House of 1000 Corpses

Oh, how we love this movie.  This is everything a horror movie should be.  We can't legitimately call it "Rob Zombie's Masterpiece," because it's sequel "The Devil's Rejects" is also cinematic gold (although for different reasons).  A group of college kids stumble upon their worst nightmare as they're spanning the country, looking for small town oddities.  Sure, it borrows considerably from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but (respectively) it's so much better.  The ensemble cast is strong.  The dark humor is truly quality.  The soundtrack is superb.  The gore is aces and it's actually scary.  You can't help but fall in love with the murderous family, especially Bill Moseley's Otis (he makes our heart all a'flutter, he can rip it out anytime!) and Sheri Moon Zombie's Baby (that Rob Zombie is a lucky, lucky man).  And oh, Sid Haig.  Your Captain Spaulding makes us laugh, makes us cry, and makes us love this movie to a shameless degree.

He ain't readin' no funny books, mama.

So check these movies out.  There's something for everybody - the seriously scary, the cheesy gore-fest, and maybe the best goddamn horror movie ever made.

Did we forget anything?  Let us know!  What's your favorite Halloween night movie?

Best Of: Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie

Whorticulture.com Presents: Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie!

I got a ton of hits on my last Best Of: Best Boobs in a Horror Movie (also, check out More Horror Movie Boobs).  The people have spoken, and I guess you guys like tits.  High five.  I like tits, too.  So let's keep the momentum going with our new Best Of: Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie.

Now I don't require my horror movie boobs to do anything.  Just being there is fine by me.  I mean, check this out:

Ah, Elvira.  Cassandra Peterson is Heaven the way I want it to be.

Hang on, I need a moment...

Okay, what was I saying?  Oh right, useful boobs.  I mean, if they're going to DO something, then I'm all for it.  And if it's something that can't be unseen, then it's pure cinematic gold.


Apparently the original Night of the Demons is the best movie for boobs, because my choice comes from there AGAIN.  Here we have Suzanne, played by Linnea Quigley.  Suzanne is a little bit slutty but that's why we like her.  She's unfortunately been possessed by a demon, and she's been left all alone in a bathroom.  What else is a girl to do?  She's gotta make herself pretty.

Sure, they're not GREAT boobs.  I'm not digging the chest ribs.  She's in the same movie as this girl so she has to do something to stand out, right?  Right.


So how does she use her boobs?  Well, you see that left one?  She pushes the lipstick right into the nipple.  What, you didn't expect her to carry it around all night, did you?  This apparently makes Suzanne a little unhappy.

Don't worry, Suzanne.  Your lipstick trick has lived in infamy since I first saw this movie, and everyone I've ever shown makes countless references since.  Congratulations, girl!  You're the stuff 80's horror is made of!


**Sidenote: I think this scene happens in the remake from the pictures I've seen.  I can't wait!**

Best Of: Best Boobs in a Horror Movie

Whorticulture.com Presents: Best Boobs in a Horror Movie!

There's two things I love in my horror movies: tits and blood.  That's why I love the slasher movies from the '80's, even though they might be considered mundane or a dime a dozen. 

Screw that!

From Sorority House Massacre to Sleepaway Camp II, the best part is watching the topless girls get cut!

Why do you think Elvira - my boobspiration - was so popular?

So the first Best Of for Whorticulture has to be Best Boobs!

This honor goes to Jill Terashita from Night of the Demons (1988).  She faced some serious compeTITion (excuse my horrible pun there, people), but these boobs stand the test of time.  I saw these for the first time when I was around 11, and I've never seen horror movie boobs that compare!

The big 80's hair, the sex in the coffin; "Frannie" knows how to please!

Congratulations Ms. Terashita.  Your boobs will live on forever in my heart.  I'll be first in line to see the remake later in October; they have quite a bit to live up to!

Okay, so who do you think has the best boobs in a horror movie?

And check out our other post on fabulous racks:
Best Use of Boobs in a Horror Movie
More Horror Movie Boobs