Unnecessary Remakes

Maniac (1980) is Hollywood's Latest Victim in the Remake Game

In news that makes me want to stab myself in the face, Hollywood is remaking Maniac.

And you know who they got to play Frank? 

You'll never guess.

Not in a million years.

I FUCKING WISH I WAS KIDDING.

So in case you don't know, Maniac is a wonderfully cheap, ultra-violet film starring the late Joe Spinell with effects by THE KING Tom Savini.  It's about a guy who is so tortured by his mother's death that he stalks women, scalps them, and thus dresses up a bunch of mannequins in his apartment. 

And you think Elijah fucking Wood can pull that off?  Because I don't.

The Devil Inside - The Next Big Pile

Going to see The Devil Inside?

You might want to think twice.  My initial response to the trailers was mild annoyance - you mean the Vatican doesn't endorse this film?  I thought the Vatican was always in the practice of endorsing steaming piles of fictional bullshit?  My bad.  I assumed it would be mediocre at best.  A few good jumps, not the worst thing out there...

Today I came across this lovely article from The New York Post.  You can read it here but let me give you some of the details:

"It's not often you'll hear audience members shouting, "I want my money back!" -- over a chorus of boos and hisses -- as the credits roll at a FREE screening."

That's true.  I saw Devil at a free pre-show, nobody hissed or booed, and that movie was SHIT.  Pure and utter shit.  I certainly wanted my money back after seeing it for free.

"'The Devil Inside,' the inception of which I envision as a very stoned late-night conversation in which one underemployed screenwriter says to another, "Dude, what if we did Blair Witch Project but with possession??"..."

Okay right there.  Any reference to Blair Witch should be an immediate RED FLAG.  Bullshit, bullshit, turn around and RUN.I'm not going to keep quoting the article, as it's totally your prerogative to ignore a critic.  And to ignore the 9% rating it has at Rotten Tomatoes.

My prediction (and I feel like anybody with a brain could have this prediction) is that this movie is going to be number 1 this weekend.  I just saw a line of about 700 people standing outside of a Harkins waiting - and on a side note, I'm sorry for pointing and laughing at you and calling you suckers.  Okay no I'm not.  So number 1 this weekend...and then 405th next weekend.  The first weekend only proves you had an effective marketing campaign, and they did.  I even saw a commercial with those Jersey Shore clowns going to see this and acting scared.  But once word of mouth gets out...

Yeah.

And fuck you, Hollywood, because this just proves that we're DESPERATE for good horror.  We crave it.  To the point that we'll go see any of the HORSE CRAP you churn out.  You know that, you feed off of it, and I can't fault you for it.  Even if it's a dick move.