Best Of: Best Twist in a Horror Movie

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Twist in a Horror Movie

Caution: This post is going to contain a major spoiler.  I recommend you not read the ending if you haven't seen the film.  DON'T RUIN THIS FOR YOURSELF.

This one is just too easy.  Of course it's the 1983 thriller Sleepaway Camp, starring Felissa Rose and Jonathan Tiersten. 

One of these things isn't like the other...or is it?

So let's get into the plot.  What you have here is a poor girl named Angela who loses her father & brother in a boating accident, and goes to live with her dear Aunt Martha and cousin Ricky.  Ricky and Angela head off to Camp Arawak, where the campers keep dying off.  It's hard for Angela to make friends because she's quiet and would rather hang out by herself than participate.  This really pisses off the camp slut, Judy.

Go curl your hair, Judy.

But Angela does make one very special friend, a boy named Paul.

Young love has never been so creepy.

So, yeah.  One by one people start dropping like flies.  Here we see what happens to Judy's buddy, the bitchy counselor (who is fucking the damn-near elderly camp owner Mel, wtf is up with that!?)

She's gonna be late for your date, Mel.

And then Mel eats it, too.

What?  That totally looks real.

And yeah, Judy gets it too.  But that part is so awesome I almost don't want to ruin it for you.  Of course I will, but only after the cut.  So who's the killer?  Think you know?

Angela says DON'T READ PAST THE CUT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE!

Tribute to Aunt Martha from Sleepaway Camp

Whorticulture.com Presents: Our Tribute to Aunt Martha from 1983's Sleepaway Camp, Played by Desiree Gould

You know, there's quite a bit to love about Sleepaway Camp (1983).  The shocking and unforgettable ending, the over-the-top kills, the often-forced and unintentionally-hilarious dialogue.

And then there's Aunt Martha.

Ohhh god, Aunt Martha.  Desiree Gould steals the show with her bizarre yet captivating take on a character obviously gone insane.  Is she over-acting?  I don't think so.  Aunt Martha has obviously gone off the deep end (if you've seen the movie, you know exactly how much).  Desiree Gould pushes the character to the brink of ridiculous, but stays just inside the line of "bitch is crazy."

I think she's one of the best characters in horror.  But judge for yourself:

Trivia:  Desiree Gould and Felissa Rose were reunited in 2006 with the film Under Surveillance.

Best Of: Best Killers

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Best Horror Movie Killers!

Screw the victims, the killer can make or break a horror movie.  Here's our list, in no particular order, of the 5 best butchers horror has to offer.

#5: Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th series

This masked serial murderer brings a lot to the table without saying a word.  He drowned as a kid, and he has a lot of pent-up rage against slutty camp counselors.  He doesn't even have to run after you.  This dude can saunter after you, and he's still going to catch up, so just shut up and take it like a champ.  Although he's known for his machete, some of our favorite death scenes include swinging a girl around inside a sleeping bag, and freezing someone's face with liquid nitrogen and then smashing it to pieces. 

Nice job, Jason!  2 points!

Our favorite Jasons are:

Warrington Gillette, Richard Brooker, C.J. Graham, and Kane Hodder - we also respect his mother for offing Kevin Bacon with an arrow through the neck

#4: Otis B. Driftwood from House of 1000 Corpses

Goddammit, Bill Moseley.  We just love you.  And your portrayal of Otis pushed our love from moderate to downright shameless.  Otis has some of the best dialogue in horror movie history.  He spends his time making awesome oddities from pieces of his victims, and he has a penchant for cheerleaders (don't we all?).  Rob Zombie's song Pussy Liquor tells you all you need to know about this psycho:
"...Otis was his name
White as a ghost, totally insane.
Otis loves the girls, young and clean,
drowning in a bucket of gasoline."
Indeed, Otis is a man after our own hearts here at whorticulture.  Our favorite thing this bad ass does is making that flesh suit out of the cop, then trying to get all romantic with the cop's daughter.  He's the one who brings the Christmas candy.

Do you like what you see?  DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?

#3: Freddy Krueger from the Nightmare on Elm Street series

Say what you will, but Robert Englund will always be Freddy to us.  Sorry, Mr. Bad News Bears.  This child murderer turned undead, gloved dream assassin kills mostly teenagers, but he'll fuck anyone up if they get in his way.  And we appreciate that.  You can't tie yourself down, you know?  He's charismatic, kind of charming, and mega deadly.  It's a winning combination!  He's got dozens of kills under his belt, including stuffing a model's face (literally), killing a teenager in a comic book, killing a teenager in a video game, and he even killed Johnny Depp.  But our favorite is an under appreciated murder in Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, where he combines romance with a deadly asthma attack on poor, nerdy Sheila:

Hey Sheila, wanna suck face?

#2: Angela Baker from the Sleepaway Camp sequels

Don't get us wrong - we definitely love Felissa Rose as Angela in the original Sleepaway Camp.  That shit is twisted and we'll definitely discuss it at some later time.  But right now we're focusing on Pamela Springsteen (sister of some guy named Bruce Springsteen, who you've probably never heard of - just kidding - and did not inherit any singing talent at all) as Angela Baker in Sleepaway Camp 2 & 3.  This bitch has quite the past, which is so surprising that we're not about to ruin it for you just yet.  Yeah, her past messed with her head just a little, and now she's at camp killing slutty teenagers.  TOTALLY ORIGINAL.  She tries to have zingy one-liners but it just doesn't work.  That's okay, we'll overlook it since she kills the slutty teenagers in original ways.  She stuffs firecrackers in their noses, buries a lazy counselor up to her neck in dirt and garbage and mows over her head with a lawnmower, and drowns a hot chick in an outhouse.  That last one is our personal favorite.  Instead of showing you a picture of that scene, let's just bask in the ultimate 80's hotness that is Valerie Hartman (Ally):

 Do you want that face all covered in muck and leeches?  We didn't think so.

#1: Baby from House of 1000 Corpses

Oh, Baby Baby Baby.  So hot.  So deadly.  She loves old time movie starlets, baby dolls, and butcher knives.  Oh, and she loves being sexy.  Goddammit, Rob Zombie.  You lucky bastard.  Baby and her evil laugh will send chills down your spine.  We love everything this fine lady does - we can't pick just one.  We love watching her run after her rabbits, we love watching her dance to Brick House while someone gets chopped up.  We even love watching her scalp her victims when they get questions wrong.  That'll teach 'em!  Pro tip: don't be rude during Baby's performances.  Make your bitch shut up and watch.

We wanna be loved by you, too, Baby!

Any killers you love that we missed?  Let us know in the comments!