The Most WTF Movie I've Ever Seen

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Most WTF Movie I've Ever Seen

This is one of my favorite horror movies to talk about or to force people to watch.  It's not for the faint of heart, nor is it for people with weak stomachs.  I don't know a single person who has seen this, except for the guy who showed me and the people I've made watch it.  But apparently people have, because the internet is filled with chatter about it if you look hard enough.  It's almost impossible to find.  I requested it for months at my local video store and was the first to rent it once they got it.  Since then they've removed it from their shelves and told me I'm no longer allowed to request movies.  Pussies.

Anyway!  I present to you: Nekromantik

Directed by Jörg Buttgereit, starring Bernd Lorenz and Beatrice Manowski.  It's a super-8, EXTREMELY low budget German movie from 1987. 

So here's the basic plot.  You have our buddy Robert (Lorenz), who works for a street cleaning agency.  His job is basically to clean up car accidents.  Robert is a really hard worker who can't help but take his work home with him.  He even brings his girlfriend (Manowski) home presents!  What a super guy!  So he brings his girlfriend home a corpse, she has sex with it, and then leaves poor Robert for the corpse!

I can imagine your faces.  I KNOW, RIGHT?!  And the awesome thing is that you probably think that's as fucked up as it gets!  OH, BUT IT'S NOT!

There are some really hilariously fucked up things about this movie.

#1: The sex scene with the corpse.  I tried very hard to find an appropriate picture of this that wasn't revolting.  This is the best I could come up with:

Oh god, can you handle it!?  I don't think you can!  Yes, she's using a broom.  And yes, she's making it wear a condom.  WOULDN'T YOU MAKE A CORPSE WEAR A CONDOM!?  I thought so.  I just...oh my.  So the love scene is forcibly romantic.  I'm not kidding.  If you forgot it was a dead body, it would be a really sweet and touching love scene.  That shit is downright romantic!

IMDB doesn't list a budget for this movie, so I'm going to guess and say that it couldn't have cost more than $10,000 to make.  In fact, $10,000 seems HIGH.  But most of the budget must have been spent on the corpse, because it's a pretty realistic looking corpse.

So anyway, poor Robert is left all alone.  Beatrice leaves him a note, which says "Left for good.  Took the corpse."  NOT KIDDING.  This makes Robert very sad.  This leads us to our next hilariously fucked-up scene.

#2: Robert, being sad and alone, decides to get a prostitute.  I mean, obviously, right?  And where does he take her?  Why, the cemetery, of course!  Except Robert is so sad that he suffers from a little erectile dysfunction.  It happens!  It's no reason to laugh at him!  Except that's what we do, we laugh at him.  And the prostitute laughs at him.  So he kills her.  But good news!  This solves his erectile dysfunction problem!  And the happy couple make snu-snu on a grave.

Unfortunately, Robert is roused in the morning by an unhappy grave keeper.

This poor guy can't catch a break!  So he takes the shovel and cuts the grave keeper's head off.

The blood squirts out like a fountain in a horribly cheesy way.  And the tongue flaps.  It's a pretty good death scene though, even if it is total cheese.  Total aces

And that was my favorite part of the movie.

So then Robert goes home, spends some quality time with his cat (this is a scene not for animal lovers - no, he doesn't have sex with his cat or anything.  Geez, you sickos!), spends some quality time alone, and the movie is over.

AND THERE'S A SEQUEL.

I haven't ever seen the sequel.  Let me tell you, when I first saw this movie I wanted to vomit for 3 days straight.  The ending seriously messed with my head!  I've watched it since then, and it's not so bad when you notice how cheap everything looks, or how poor the effects are.  But that first time?  Dear god!

You have no idea how difficult it is not to spoil this movie.  The ending certainly deserves to be discussed.  It's sort of...revoltingly tragic.

I've heard all kinds of rumors about this movie.  The one I hear the most is that it was a film school project, and the director got kicked out of film school for it.  While that is a testament to how truly fucked this movie is (I mean, it's gotta be to get you kicked out of film school!), I don't think it's true.  But I don't know, it could be.  All I know is that I show this movie to people when I'm trying to ruin parts of their brain forever.

I think you should watch this movie if you have the chance, just to say you survived it.  This is a badge of honor.

If you have seen it, please leave a comment!  Or if you think there's a movie more WTF than this, please leave a comment!