Worst Of: The Character You're Happiest to Watch Die

Whorticulture.com Presents: The Worst Horror Movie Character, or The Character You're Happiest to Watch Die

We couldn't really call this post a "Best Of" because we hate this character THAT MUCH.

This dishonor goes to Michael Gibney, who plays Alan in the shiteous sequel Return to Sleepaway Camp.

Ugh, look at this douchelord.  Crying, as usual.  We feel the strong urge to punch him.

Yeah, so your first question is probably "why the hell did you guys watch Return to Sleepaway Camp!?"  Or maybe it's "what the hell were you guys expecting!?"  Our response?  Shut the fuck up before Uncle Eddie hits you with his ring hand.  You know we had to watch it.  We love the original 3 too much not to.  Plus it was on sale for like $2.  You can't pass that shit up.

Sleepaway Camp 5 is worse than Sleepaway Camp 3, and if you've seen 3, that should tell you something.  But you have to check it out.  Don't even question it.  You have to get ready for the upcoming unnecessary 3-D  installment.

Anyway, aside from the movie being terrible, you're really going to hate this one kid, Alan.  We don't understand the character at all.  He's the whiniest little bitch we've ever seen, but somehow we think we're supposed to feel sorry for him.  Yeah, we don't.  Every time someone beats him up it's because he deserves it.

Just look at him!  Notice how dirty he is.  You probably think he just got his shit knocked in the dirt.  Nope, he's just dirty.  And undoubtedly smelly.  And he loves to insult his fellow campers by informing them that their "ass stinks."

Since in the previous installments Angela lets the good kids live, you almost think she'll let this kid live.  Maybe he's just misunderstood?  Nope.  Thankfully this kid eats it, but sadly it's close to the end so you have to put up with him for 2/3 of the movie.

We gotta hand it to Michael Gibney.  We're pretty sure Alan is supposed to be that way...or at least we're going to hope he is, and that Michael Gibney isn't just terrible as an actor.  However, the fact that this is the only movie he's been in makes us wonder.

Congratulations, kid.  We love watching you die.